Building kind community
How do peer-led groups work?
Nobody is the boss and nobody is in charge. Together we make the meeting happen by sharing. We are all just helping each other build a helping community. Each group begins with volunteers reading relational agreements out loud for the group. Everybody is welcome to try to volunteer. Volunteers take turns opening and closing meetings and helping everyone to make sure that everyone who needs to share has a chance to share before the meeting ends. The group shifts to open discussion after everyone has a chance to share, until a volunteer helps the group close by reading the check-out prompts 15 minutes before the end of group. It’s okay for volunteers to lack confidence, and it’s okay for accidents to happen, and it’s okay to try again another time. If you offer to volunteer and become too disabled, you can pass at any moment by asking for a new volunteer.
Relational agreements
Relational agreements are mutually agreed upon intentions. This is different than a rule. A rule is enforced by someone or something outside of you. A relational agreement is actually something we want to do, even if we sometimes fail to do it or don’t really know how to do it well. ​The purpose of our relational agreements is to provide all of us with the bumpers or guardrails that we might need to be kind with each other. Chances are, if you are reading this, you might come from a place where there isn’t a lot of kindness. Relational agreements are made to help us help each other with as much kindness as possible.
Who can attend groups?
Anyone who wishes to be kind to others and wants to experience kindness themselves, really. Some groups may have a focus, like Complex Trauma, so that people might benefit from having the freedom to explore or share some experiences that are very difficult to acknowledge in most spaces, but overall, groups are for anyone who wants more kindness in their life.
What if I cannot prove or explain my experiences?
We will not ask you to. We know that survivors of many kinds of experiences are precluded from speaking directly of those experiences, either through trauma; no experiences of sharing things with others; social invisibility; or otherwise. Nobody will be forced to prove their experience or existence. It's just time to be kind.
Do I have to speak?
Regardless of ability to speak or share, you are welcome to just share the space. You can introduce yourself, or you can say nothing, or you can introduce yourself using an alternate name if privacy is a cause of concern for you. We only ask that whether speaking or non-speaking, we follow the mutual intention of being kind with each other.
Feedback
Feedback is not the same as advice. If feedback is requested, we listen and respond by validating the reality of unmet needs and reflecting each other’s innocence. Sometimes, a person may just need to share something with others and wish for no feedback at all. In which case, it is kind to provide no feedback. A person may also request feedback and may even ask the group for specific type of feedback. In which case, feedback then is the kindest response.
Connecting outside of groups
Groups are intended for the explicit purpose of helping people locate and meet unmet needs. If connecting outside of group helps with that, then that is exactly what group is for. That being said, it is important that outside contact intends to be helpful and beneficial, and not one-sided or even experienced as predatory. Some people can have opposing triggers – one person’s need for comfort may trigger another person’s threat response. This can happen in groups. Some people coming to group may have never had the chance to express their boundaries, and any group needs to acknowledge this reality and offer protection to the most vulnerable parts of all of us. Towards this, we have a few guidelines to help people observe, respect, and express boundaries made available here.
Does group membership have a fee? No.
There will never be a fee for a kindness group. Kindness and community should not have a monetary cost. We are seeking skilled people to help with fundraising (web support, physical space, etc.) and for funding the Emergency Hardship Program. This program functions to help people who are born into trafficking and/or life-threatening trauma conditions leave those conditions and get the kind of actionable help they need to stay out of those conditions.